@mrjohntofu: Gift cards are another way of saying, don't spend this on dope.
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@jaslakhmna: ME to BF: "We need to talk about the future." BF: "what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"
@pmclellan: The most important aspect of opening a Chinese restaurant is hiring a good chicken to fry the rice.
@ashleycrem: I'm getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I've been to in the last week that's had "insufficient funds".
@frogpissmouth: [punches shark on the nose[ shark: that wont stop me me: are u crying shark: no its always wet & salty on my face