@moose_chocolate: Girl, are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable.
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@KentWGraham: I wish I could be like my cable company’s customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me.
@BGH70: When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, "significantly less bleeding." Less bleeding is good for not being dead.
@jimmytorosian: [Writing Silence of the Lambs] Anyone have an idea for the cannibal's name? Jim: Hannibal? Anyone? Jim: Hannibal Anyone other than Jim?