@mattytalks: Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I'm pursuing you online and from my couch
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@KentWGraham: If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.
@JediGigi: Friend: I need your advice. Me: Wear less eyeshadow. Friend: I meant about my love life. Me: Friend: Me: Friend: Me: Wear less eyeshadow.
@bridger_w: "Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?" -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead