@Tmoney68: Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times.
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@JediGigi: Crying friend: Have you ever had a really bad day? Me: [picking dog hair out of my oatmeal] Can you be more specific?
@dumbbeezie: Peeing in the dark like some kind of pilgrim because you’re at someone else’s house and can’t find the light switch
@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond] Her: Isn't this romantic? Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah