@JohnLyonTweets: Girl, are you Chernobyl? Because you warm me to the core and leave me glowing. Also I think you've killed some people.
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@myonlymizztake: Trying to do deadlifts at the gym, but I can't figure out where they hide the bodies.
@Jimboleem: My G.F. has a pair of 'meatloaf' panties. On the front, it says 'I would do anything for love' On the back it says 'but I wont do that.'
@stockejock: When life hands you gators, make Gatorade...just kidding-that means life hates you because the gators would totally kill and eat you 1st.