@AdamOfEarth: Girl, are you E=mc ²? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you.
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@Parentpains: This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?