@JohnHilsen: Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe.
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@kumailn: Every chef on Chopped's like "I was medically dead for 3 yrs & my wife married the guy who pushed me off that bridge. My specialty is bao."
@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.
@Marlebean: Me: Shut the door, I need privacy 4y/o: But we're family! Me: Families don't watch each other go poop 4:You watch me poop! Me:...take a seat
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end.