@JohnHilsen: Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe.
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@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.
@evidentlyblonde: When people ask me "plz" because its shorter than "please".. I just tell them "no" because its shorter than "yes."
@rotten_mamma: 3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!? Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy.
@underchilde: I never buy a new couch without first seeing what it looks like with five loads of laundry piled on top of it.