@robdelaney: Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.
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@semenphantom: *opens door to show you my enormous stash of apples* "The doctors will attack soon, and I will be the only one prepared."
@Jamie1947: Kanye on the beach, by the water, holding two large conch shells up to either ear. "That's incredible", he says "When did I record this?"
@iGreenMonk: I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light? I said "I usually see what people are up to on twitter.
@XLToast: Artist: I love painting you. Times are tough. Model: Are you a starving artist? Artist: Kinda. *continues brushing butter on model*