@robdelaney: Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch.
@jessokfine: When I see a guy with a tooth pick in his mouth I'm like, wow. look at that guy. he ate most of a tree.
@brennadine: [Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet