@mrtruthandsoul: [in the woods] Me: *rescues a deer from a bear trap* Deer: I have a boyfriend

@FrogAvalanche: *pours a shaker of salt into the ocean* You're free now

@Jenny4ashley: Sure, I'd take a bullet for you, but how does robbing an ammunition store prove my love?

@FriedGoat: "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?" Well, Katy, I'm thin, weak, white, and I hurt the environment so I guess that's a pretty apt simile

@RatBatallion: In Canada, Miles Davis is known as Kilometers Davis.