@snesfu: Girl, get dressed up real nice. I'm taking you to bee disease day.
@adamhess1: Boss: and you're sure you know the names of all the vegetables?
Sign maker on his 1st day: ...yes
@TheNardvark: I would describe the cologne on the guy who was just in the elevator with me as "all of it."
@jwoodham: [Gets a Netflix notification on phone]
FRIEND: Is that your ex?
ME: [Lying] No.
@MichaelGoffLA: Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels.
@4SLars: My financial advisor recommended I join a doomsday cult.