@imagine_vegas: Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked
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@BobLoblaw143637: Lying on my bed struggling to squeeze into jeans The dog comes in to show emotional support ... followed by the cat, who came to judge.
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Where were you? ME: I got sick and had to rush to the doctor FRIEND: Flu? ME: Nah, just drove really fast
@ChaseMit: Just saw a guy riding a skateboard, holding a surfboard. Dunno where he's going but I assume there's Mountain Dew there.