@Home_Halfway: ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager

@RobertMorschel: I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

@Marlebean: The biggest threat of punishment for my daughter is saying I'll pick out her clothes for school.

@FatherWithTwins: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.

@FilmsWeWant: The same plot as the Matrix, only the Matrix runs Windows. The system crashes on its own. The human race is saved by shitty programming.