@BobLoblaw143637: Lying on my bed struggling to squeeze into jeans
The dog comes in to show emotional support
... followed by the cat,
who came to judge.
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Where were you?
ME: I got sick and had to rush to the doctor
FRIEND: Flu?
ME: Nah, just drove really fast
@ChaseMit: Just saw a guy riding a skateboard, holding a surfboard. Dunno where he's going but I assume there's Mountain Dew there.
@SeanINCypress: Gyms are full of people that haven't found the right couch.
@birdcloudusa: Kentucky names the shit out of places
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