@PajamaBen_: "The Sun is dying. We need help" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades "It's daylight savings time"

@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.

@HitsBelowBelt: What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this...1984?

@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.

@DanMentos: "So what do you do?" I'm a wordsmith "A what?" A writer. I deal with words. How about you? "Oh I'm a uh… weedsmith"