@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too
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@murrman5: I got fired today "what? why?" no idea "you have no idea?" nope "I'm confused when did this happen?" between pre break break and break
@luvmyADHD: When I die I really hope that as a ghost I can travel and not be stuck in one place. I have people to scare and some I want to see naked.
@daemonic3: I don't understand the trend of Chinese restaurants with "NO MSG!" signs. Why would I eat somewhere that I can't send texts?
@AndyRichter: Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives' approximations of human behavior