@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too
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@jwoodham: BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen.
@sad_tree: [courtroom] Lawyer: If you didnt bite that surfers leg THEN WHO DID Shark: I'm telling you idk *whale in the audience opens a big newspaper*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: (squeezing into a gown) I'm so sick of the fashion industry. Who do you even make these clothes for? Children? Disney Store clerk: Yes.