@iQuoteComedy: Girl: "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Guy: "Both, now get in the van."
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@PinkCamoTO: Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.
@ChipKellysBalls: It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them
@david8hughes: Me: you're mad at me about what happened earlier aren't you? Arresting officer: little bit
@MrDelFreaky: So, nothing rhymes with orange, huh? *changes name to MC Orange, wins every rap battle, and retires undefeated*