@paulrobalino: Girl, is your dad Louis Vuitton? Because you have such big bags under your eyes. Wait am I doing this right
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ohpeetie: 10: What's it like being a grown up? Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly
@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.
@crunchenhanced: Has anyone else noticed that since the invention of the smart phone, bathroom stall graffiti was moved to Twitter?
@neptunemoons: "Mom! Mom! Hold this cockroach while I grab the lizard!" --Things I honestly never imagined I'd hear as a parent