@paulrobalino: Girl, is your dad Louis Vuitton? Because you have such big bags under your eyes. Wait am I doing this right
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@BourbonLuv: I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!
@Scdavis24: Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Dog Restaurant] "Is the Book Report any good?" Yes, Sir. "How's it prepared?" A 9yo stayed up till 3am to finish it. "Ooh, I'll have that."
@enigmaterics: Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.