@Token_Geezer: Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out
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@bourgeoisalien: I stop strangers from talking by smelling their hair & saying,"You smell like Pa. Pa loved his wood chipper. Never did find them drifters."
@DannyZuker: "I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
@Tmoney68: People always ask why I'm wearing a sombrero in my high school graduation pictures. Clearly, because it was my señor year.
@JohnLyonTweets: I spend a lot of time contemplating the mysteries of life, like why the wall the natives built to keep Kong out had a Kong-sized door in it.