@ScottLinnen: Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction.
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@AnAbsurdBird: With hindsight, answering the door with one unshaven leg, one dripping with blood & radioheads "creep" blaring out probably didn't help.
@Michael_Erhart: "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" "Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."
@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid