@theNuzzy: Girlfriend is on her way over. Aaaaaaannd history deleted.
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@LizHackett: Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, "I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"
@JakeSocial: Just received an email saying: "Want to see Celine Dion live?" My first thought was that it was a ransom demand.
@VinoTica: Him: You drank all that Coke? Me: Well, with my rum.. Him: ... Me: ... Me: How many beers did you have today? Him: Good talk, honey.
@dazedandsincere: My mom just told me she's been watching that "Game of Thongs" show. Gawd I hope she's just saying it wrong.