@Halbeerz: Girlfriend just called me by my full given name.This is gonna end poorly.
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@tigersgoroooar: If a boy put rose petals all over my bed I’d be like you’re cleaning this up I’m not cleaning this up
@SherBoBer: Lion King is my favourite movie about an innocent baby animal. Being framed for murder.
@MedikalMiracle: "Hey, long time. Wassup?" should be auto-corrected to "Dude. Can you do me a favor?"
@amore_orless: Social media's ruined everything. If I saw a dead body on my walk home my first thought would be to take a pic and caption it "Mood"