@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
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@audipenny: Sorry I was asleep when you texted me and just woke up when we ran into each other just now
@david8hughes: [last supper] "Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver." "30." "Sorry Judas?" [sips wine] "I didn't say anything."
@pabstdriver: I HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes. me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT..Etc.
@UncleBob56: What is it Lassie? Timmy fell down a well? Earthquake in LA? The Russians are coming? You found a plane? No? ...Oh, you want another beer.