@Douchekevin: Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along.
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@LindaInDisguise: Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK.
@ceejoyner: 2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said "nice lumberjack costume."
@OutOnTheMoors: Since my wish is to be cremated rather than buried, I'd like the legend on the urn to read: "Well done".