@Douchekevin: Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along.
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@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@hrtbps: The Grammar Nazis burst in. "We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies" "There ain't no Jews here!" "Double negative! Search the attic, boys"
@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.