@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
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@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@ShittyComedian: Every time I see a person handing out flyers it blows my mind that some people actually get paid to distribute garbage to strangers.
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee.