@SonOfCha: Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
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@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.
@Elizasoul80: Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half.
@IziBoy121: I bought a blowup doll today, but I won't blow her up until tomorrow. I don't want to seem desperate.
@david8hughes: Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look