@SonOfCha: Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
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@GrantTanaka: [wife comes out wearing pretty dress] me: that's my favorite dress wife: aww, how swee- m: take it off w: but we need to- m: I wanna wear it
@rachelle_mandik: let us all return to a simpler time, such as when i believed astroturf was farmed in space and brought to earth
@TheBoydP: Brain cancer from cell phones is no longer considered a risk because who holds their phone up to their head anymore?
@TragicAllyHere: *trapped in a sinking car* I should call 911 *car fills with water* Ugh I hate phone calls *head barely above water* Can I just text them