@daniel_shaw: Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
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@drayzze: I wish I had a bear so I could take him hiking and camping So if we ran into other bears, he'd be like "It's cool, man, he's with me."
@Parentpains: If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.
@sarcasm_inc: *leans into microphone* My question is for Salt-N-Pepa. "Hi" "Hey" Hi."Push It" is about takin a dump, right? "No" "Nope" *hands friend $5*
@pleatedjeans: A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU'RE NOT THERE THAT'S RIGHT AMY I KNOW