@CarolinaSong: Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, its best you do them in your head
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@KeetPotato: me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] "gnocc gnocc-" waiter: "who's there? haha" me: "this isn't a joke son"
@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.