@TitaniumToplass: Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do
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@TheNaique: Every time a magician graduates from his school and throws his hat in the air at the convocation, PETA sues him for cruelty to rabbits.
@WilliamAder: So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?
@RandomManik: Every crime show turns into sitcom when the cops bring the husband for questioning and he asks, "Why would anyone want to kill their wife?"
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer