@TitaniumToplass: Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do
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@justabloodygame: "It's terminal-" GOD! HOW LONG DO I HAVE? "Departure time is in three hours." THREE? WHAT DO I DO? "This is an airport." SO WHAT? I'M DYING!
@DanMentos: “Ever wonder why Rice Krispies costs the same as quieter cereals?” why would- “It’s because they're sold by weight-“ Dan, NO “not by volume"
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.