@thesulk: Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
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@50NerdsofGrey: His tongue explored the hole, probing deeper and deeper until she just couldn't take it any more. 'Would you just eat your donut already?!?'
@Brentweets: So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand
@TheTweetOfGod: America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.