@thesulk: Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
@BaldyLockzz: Canadian whiskey is just whiskey that apologizes for your hangover in the morning
@jonnysun: SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing…1, 2, 3..
MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR
@timdonakowski: "Crocodile after awhile." - Yoda
@_Tempo11: Pro tip: Don't moan when getting a pat down at airport security