@lilgapeach30: Girls. Don't get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm.
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@Quartzjixler: I am so proud to be part of a society that needs television commercials to remind us not to lock our kids in hot cars.
@radtoria: 1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice
@BradBroaddus: My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.
@duplicitron: Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*