@lilgapeach30: Girls. Don't get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm.
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@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: I left my pills in my other bag & I'm about to get REALLY chatty. C: You're free to go.
@TheDreamGhoul: BRENDA: I brought cookies! ME: I guess I can have one, I've been good all week *eats cookie* *eats entire tray of cookies* *eats Brenda too*
@AndrewChamings: [having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho