@SergioValenCo: Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much.
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@ReelQuinn: A shoemaker called yesterday and yelled at me because I hadn’t picked up the boots he repaired. It’s been one week. He said they’ve been there since October. (They haven’t.) I said, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” He said he yelled at all his customers.
@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* "we're out of cereal."
@Home_Halfway: WIFE: We really need to think about sticking to our monthly budget ME: *feeding my pet octopus a bag of emeralds* I agree