@SergioValenCo: Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much.
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@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.
@MatCro: ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?
@Kilgore_Studge: I always write "boing" in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go.
@amydillon: [concert] SINGER: How's everyone feeling tonight??? ME: Whooo, kind of stressed, I'm in standoff with my HOA regarding lawn ornamentation!!!