@SergioValenCo: Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much.
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@truegritrumble: ME: A bear is just an angry couch. PARK RANGER: Sir, get slowly off the bear. ME: *snuggling in* No. It's fluffy.
@petemandik: My first sexual experience occurred in the early 1800s when I was erotically swallowed by a whale.
@jennyandteets: Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted "put a ring on it" to five random male names. Stay tuned.