@TheSwanDon: Girls quote Marilyn Monroe relationship and life advice so much its almost like she wasn't a three time divorced, drug-addicted alcoholic.
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@truegritrumble: WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come.
@stephenjmolloy: *registering with a doctor* Receptionist: "Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section" *batman runs out crying*
@Elifcello: I switched my cellphone to 'airplane mode' and threw it up into the air.. must tell you: WORST. TRANSFORMER. EVER.