@DannyEarl: Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming
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@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side
@squirrel74wkgn: Sorry honey, I didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day. Wife: It's not until next week... [one week later] Sorry honey, I didn't...
@TitaniumToplass: use words like 'perpendicular' when you language at people so they think you is good with vocabularying
@lisaxy424: My parents are replacing a toilet in the house I grew up in, so now it's just some potty that I used to know. Thanks for following.