@DannyEarl: Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming
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@NicCageMatch: A surprise party on someone's birthday isn't surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night.
@shatty48: Don't ever look away from a police officer. Just stare him down. You don't wanna look suspicious.
@AndrewChamings: [having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho
@KentWGraham: I don’t want to say my wife and I are lazy, but we finally folded laundry yesterday and half the clothes don’t fit us anymore.