@MandiAtRandom: Girls storing chips in their bras...pfft amateurs. I've got spaghetti and half a taco from this afternoon in there
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@cluedont: You don't fully know your own strength until someone tries to pull you onto a dancefloor against your will.
@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Tell me about your future plans. Me: You mean, like, just tomorrow, or for, like, the whole weekend?
@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.