@shawnspree: Girls that are 16 and pregnant look stupid now.. But their kids will move out when they are 34.
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@solomongeorgio: I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home.
@iwearaonesie: wife: The school called. Guess why? [flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69] me: Why?
@sarcasticmommy4: My son needed a last-minute Halloween costume so I wrapped him like a mummy with my CVS receipt. You can also scan him for $2 off Advil.