@B0niferd: Girls who say bestie are the worstie.
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@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] What's ur greatest strength? "I wear too much cologne" No, I mean- "A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator"
@hypervoid: wait, do bisexuals experience sexual attraction twice a year or once every two years
@upsidedowntrash: Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
@MartaEffing: A bead of sweat forms on my brow. And another. Intensity builds as I decide my future and embrace it. "I'll take the maple bar, please."