@reesespiece_: Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you
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@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long ago did you injure your shoulder? Women: 9:45am on Monday at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 2002
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.