@Tmoney68: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
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@desi_princess: Seriously you guys, the only reason to check Facebook, is to find out where people are going, and then go somewhere else.
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head
@9to5Life: "911, what's your emergency?" "My kids are being jerks." "Hey, Christian, you can't keep calling here." "Are you gonna send help?" "..."
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.