@Brianhopecomedy: Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV and you can sleep for an extra hour.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jwoodham: BREAKING: Scientists send teen girl back in time to report on WWII. "Hitler's haircut is literally the worst," she writes. "Also he's mean."
@rockymomax: EXECUTIVE: this ones not about murder is it STEPHEN KING: its about children E: ok SK: in corn E: thats nice SK:who murder E: dammit Stephen
@kolchak: Justin Bieber songs are much more enjoyable when you replace the word "girl" with "gerbil".
@LosLos__: Doc: Your insurance won't cover it all. Me: What if I sewed myself shut? Doc: Suture self.