@justabloodygame: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give Jesus a fish, and you and your family will eat nothing but that one fish for a lifetime.
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@lenigs17: If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
@underrateDad: My super power is picking up all the laundry in one arm then bending over for 5 minutes picking up that one sock that keeps falling out.
@DanMentos: “Hello, Pizza Hut” Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? “eight” And a medium? “eight” *long pause* I’d like to speak with your manager
@QuiteQuietOne: The embarrassment when you wake up to find your panties hanging from a chandelier and think, how did I end up in a place with a chandelier?