@OneStopComedy: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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@tnylgn: The person that was in charge of naming Ohio must have thought of it when they realized someone was waving at the person behind them.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at a movie theater] Cashier: Can I help u? Me: One large cornpop please C: Sir it’s the other way around Me: Ok- can I help u?
@SardonicTart: Jurassic World is so unrealistic. Like a teenager would ever just drop his cell phone while being chased by a dinosaur.
@rockymomax: [in hell journal day 211] I've asked if it was hot in here 932 times in 211 days. the dark lord is angry but he has nowhere else to send me