@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But why are you walking around giving men fish? That's weird, dude.
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@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers
@SequelsWeWant: 2001 A Space Odyssey 2 The spaceship returns HAL is just as uncooperative as ever. He never works. He becomes the basis for Windows 10.
@JamieGreenlees: Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's.
@Jandalize: My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20