Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@robknepper: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.
41 comments

COMMENTS

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

@mess_of_petals: [My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours.

499

@TheToddWilliams: [mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn't work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can't...it's in the sink

1

@topaz_kell: Making a phone call that goes straight to voicemail releases dopamine.

1

@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.

8

@AmishPornStar1: "Alexa, yell at my kids to behave every 7 minutes. I'm headed to the bar."

1
↑