@Maddy_ubert: I just love it when my boyfriend comes to visit and brings me presents. He always says stuff like "stop winking and sign for this package"

@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.

@lilgapeach30: 3 rules for having good teeth: brush and floss twice a day, see your dentist twice a year, and keep your nose out of other peoples business.

@aveuaskew: [hugging mom at sister's funeral] "And you said I'd never be your favorite"

@VivaVeronica122: My boyfriend says I'm kind of selfish, but that's not true. I often think of other people. When I'm having sex with him.