@robknepper: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
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@envydatropic: I'm a show off but not drive around with Christmas lights on my car show off And that's when I realized it was a cop car
@TedBundybitch: When I tell people I don't speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home