@FeelingMervis: Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, "Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"
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@kookiedelukey: Myth: Have kids close in age. It gets easier and they'll have a friend to play with Fact: They'll fight. Every hour. Every day.
@ArinLeeMorris: In the near future, little old ladies won't know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they'll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors.
@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.