@FeelingMervis: Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, "Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"
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@ClichedOut: [introducing date] Me: This is Linda, my date. Her: You mean Lisa. Me: This is Linda, my Lisa.
@JediGigi: Him: When I suggested we try a little role play, this is not what I had in mind Me: [in Jabba the Hutt costume] JUST PUT ON THE GOLD BIKINI
@NathanBgood: Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I’m still glad to see you though.
@thedailymarker: When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs...& because I'm gay..& we always take it up a notch.