@FeelingMervis: Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, "Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"
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@FinallyHeSleeps: The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses.
@zachreinert03: Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought 'wow that's not safe' & at second glance thought 'wow that guy's on fire'
@HallpassCanada: Not sure if i should be proud of this or not, but our employee handbook had 37 new rules added since i started working here.
@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!