@Kyle_Lippert: Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Kids, we can go to the pet expo BUT WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY ANIMALS. WE ALREADY HAVE A DOG *leaves with two lizards, a fish & a baby giraffe
@djdarrellripley: Her: She's too young for you. Me: Based on what? Her: Based on the number of times the Earth has orbited the sun since she was born.. Me:
@neonwario: WWII was just all the people w/ time machines who went back in time to kill hitler fighting the time travelers who wanted to protect hitler
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What's your greatest accomplishment?" Me: "I was in a lot of people's MySpace Top 8s back in 2004."