@NotJPo: Give a woman a compliment and you'll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she'll feed someone else.
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@ddsmidt: My mother-in-law said "just do what you normally do" when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward.
@babyitsmb: I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.
@david8hughes: [knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia
@: Apparently people running at the airport are trying to catch a flight & TSA does not need me to intervene and stop an international criminal