@NotJPo: Give a woman a compliment and you'll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she'll feed someone else.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *calls* How are my kids? Grandma: We're having so much fun Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra- Grandma: Come get your kids.
@RayfromCincy: The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
@NoticablyBacon: Me: lets go on a date Her: umm Me: what could go wrong *25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*