@dreamthievin: Give me a break, ouija board. I don't need to know who was killed in this house. Just tell me how the murderer got away with it.
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@jjhartinger: ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now.
@SirEviscerate: [Wrench factory] BOSS: I'm proud to say it's been 250 days without an injury! WORKERS: *celebrate by tossing all the wrenches into the air *
@djdarrellripley: I'm the kindest, sweetest person you'll ever meet. However, if someone was having a seizure in my bathtub, I'd probably throw in my laundry.