@Jake_Vig: Give me five hundred good reasons you think I'm too demanding.
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@QwertyJones3: Oh, you pronounce pecan like "puh kahn"? I always pronounced it "pee can". Differences in dialects can be so fascinating, right? Well, anywho, that's what your husband choked on.
@brynnester: [Interview] Boss: Who’s this? Your girlfriend? Me: Oh she’s not my girlfriend. Not yet anyway *gives her an affectionate nudge* Actually it’s our first date Her: I’m having the worst time
@rockymomax: [oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*
@SteelCityDawn: Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.