@Jake_Vig: Give me five hundred good reasons you think I'm too demanding.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.
@tigersgoroooar: Online guy: wanna chat I’m 9 inches Me: i’m 5′8′‘ you would barely reach the middle of my shin how could we hold hands on our wedding day
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@StellaRtwot: *hands cashier $100 bill "Ya have anything smaller?" *crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier