@robfee: "Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $57!"
-Every attorney apparently
@Lazer_Cat_: These cats just swagged into the room like they had some serious yolo'ing to do.
@leifromloihi: told my kid to sign my boyfriend's birthday card
@DanMentos: Lent is a holiday invented by the banks to sell more loans
@amydillon: When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
@dafloydsta: [trying to get a massage]
How much for a happy ending?
"Sir, this is a library!"
*whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?