@robfee: "Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $57!"
-Every attorney apparently
@panmidwest: [My Funeral]
"He died doing what he loved… saying 'Cars have to stop for pedestrians,' as he stepped bravely into the crosswalk."
@Quartzjixler: Grooming tip:
Cut your toenails every 2 to 24 weeks whether they need it or not.
@C00LpenNAME: They say your home is your castle.
But the second you build a dungeon in the basement someone inevitably calls the cops
@WheelTod: The most judgmental aquatic mammal is probably the seal of disapproval.
@Vice_Queen: "Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern."
~ Me at McDonald's on pay day.