@MikeOdenthal: Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm.
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@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
@Sir_Strange: *sends you a pic of a kitten* *you reply, "Awe"* *face melts* *responds, "We've been over this already, it's "Aww"* *deletes your number*
@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.