@MikeOdenthal: Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm.
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@DebasaurusRex: I won't be gratified sexually until someone dumps one of those big Gatorade containers on me after.
@daryl_licked: My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding.
@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.