@BuckyIsotope: *gives you the finger*gives you the spleen*gives you the bones*gives you all the other parts* Now build me a girlfriend like you promised.
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@eedrk: Girl: Some1 in my house can't call 911 they'll hear me pls help. Me (after waiting 20 minutes to text back so I don't seem desperate): hey
@Dutch_50: The picture heading read “Panorama!” I thought it said “Paranormal” I wasted hours staring at these elongated images looking for ghosts.
@HeyZeus666: Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down.
@iRowlf: It's pretty rude how they'll kick you out of the hospital just for using a defibrillator to make a grilled cheese sandwich.