@fillthevacuum: *gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*
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@EliBraden: No one shot Rick Ross - when you're that big you're BOUND to be hit by a random stray bullet now and then
@hadafewbeers: Love it when moms refer to kids by age in tweets. "6 fell down today". Wonder if the kids do the opposite at school: "33 is drunk again".
@ComedicBust: Girlfriend: How old were you when you lost your virginity, 16-17? Me: [remembering having a bowl cut until I was 28] Around there.