@TheUnderfold: Giving away valuable art secrets.
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@thenatewolf: My targeted ads keep trying to sell me a new mattress. Come on, Google. Stop pretending like you don’t know exactly how much I have in the bank right now. Send me an ad for $5 footlongs or bulk rice or something.
@dave_cactus: [HONK HONK] ...one more honk and I'm gonna... [HONK] *gets out of my car* *walks to the car behind me* *feeds the driver's goose some bread*
@Megatronic13: Me: *pointing gun at husband* Husband: are you kidding?? he’s obviously the fake Obvious Evil Clone: *stroking hideous goatee* Me: but he does all of the laundry Husband: oh no
@Mr_Kapowski: Voiceover: Continued use of this drug may cause but isn't limited to blurry vision, nausea, knowing the lyrics to the Macarena, diarrhea