@TheUnderfold: Giving away valuable art secrets.
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@RobertJrDowney: Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.
@delusions_of: I try to pick my battles wisely but earlier I slapped a microwave while screaming at it.
@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"
@_SetTheHook_: Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start.